I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
