the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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