I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
