I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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