You're my little dorito
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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