Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize