Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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