she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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