i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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