I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
