just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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