to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
