i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
