Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
