I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
