Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
