i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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