Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize