I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
