11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
