I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
