I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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