THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
