Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
