Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My pussy is not your playground.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
