I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I need to align my fucking chakras
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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