we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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