Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize