If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
