What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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