YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
