oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
is that a dick in a sweater?
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