This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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