im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
