I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
