I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
