Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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