my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize