well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
