he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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