She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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