Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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