In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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