last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
