I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
