You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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