I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
