I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
