How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
