In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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