Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
