he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
