Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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