and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
