Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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