im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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