I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
