First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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