naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
