Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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