i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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