are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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